Oh. No. She. DIDN’T.

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Angel Monk, age 94, of Richmond, passed away April 15, 2065, at home surrounded by her loving family, after a long battle with diarrhea of the mouth.

Angel was born Jan. 1, 1971 in a hospital, to her loving parents, W.L. and Renae G.  She married Chris Monk on her 27th birthday in Las Vegas, NV.

Angel was a family woman, who loved nothing but spending quality time with her family, or getting a rise out of anyone.  She was quite the jokester, so you had to be on the top of your game when you were with her.  She will be remembered as everyones “crazy aunt” which she earned her title. She always carried around a mega-phone at family gatherings, which was so annoying.   She loved wrestling, and winning everyone she wrestled with.  If she thought she was losing, she would lick their arm.  Everyone would “tap out” after she did this.  She loved chips and salsa, anything spicy, her favorite was mexican food, ice cream, homemade jam, homemade bread, Texas Roadhouse rolls, turtle fudge, fried ice cream, DQ s’mores blizzard, pineapple, and anything sweet, just food in general.

Perhaps most important, after always buying all beef hot dogs, was educating people on the dangers of holding in their farts.  Sadly, she was unable to attain her life long goal of catching her beloved daughter Meagan of “cutting the cheese” or playing the “bum trumpet” or actually saying the word “toot.”   One thing Angel did master, is the art of cussing.  She would make a sailor blush if someone messed with her family.  She was definitely an old stubborn goat.  Bless her heart.

She is survived by her children, Jocelyn and Raffin; Meagan and (Wes?); Elle and (John?); Chloe and (Ed?); Zoë and (George?); 43 grandchildren; 76 great-grands; 6 cats; 4 birds; 8 fish; and her beloved Dyson DC65 Animal Complete Upright Vacuum Cleaner.

She joined her loving parents; her blue pill popping soul mate, Chris; brothers and their spouses, Mark & (Jeri), Kelly & (Sheila), Shawn & (Nora), Steve & (Lorna); and two widowed witchy sisters, Michelle and Chantel.  What a joyous reunion.  Heaven may never be the same.

In lieu of flowers, please buy yourself some protective clothing, for she will have a piñata at her funeral, so people can be happy, but it will be filled with angry bee’s, so they’re not too happy.

 

 

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