Six Uses Of A Common Safety Pin

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safetypin

This is already starting out bad.

I can think of a gazillion uses of a common safety pin.  This is going to be fun….

 

1.  PLUMBER’S CRACK

Everyone knows what I’m talking about.  The butt crack that sticks out the top of your britches.  The stupid low-rise jeans that just happen to be the latest trend, sit on your hips.  You bend over to pick a child, or pick up a toy off the floor, and your stinking crack hangs out.  My husband sports the “plumber’s crack” and I think it’s cute.  My daughter sports the “plumber’s crack” and I worry about if she wears it at school.  I can pull it off, but would rather not.  Solution: Safety pin your shirt to  your britches.  Crack kills!

 

2.  BODY JEWELRY

I don’t know about you..however, when I was in 7th grade it was cool to wear safety pins as earrings.  All the “F” chicks were doing it.  I wasn’t a “F” chick, but I had some gnarly girl friends.  I did wear them once, maybe twice. They hurt like a bitch to get in, turned your ears pussy and gross, and for one day…I was almost cool.  Almost! HA.  This can also be classified as any body piercing jewelry.  Or when you were in 3rd grade, and would pin the top layer of skin and you suddenly became a magician.

 

3.  CLEAVAGE CONCEALER

Sorry, Guys!  This is probably your least favorite on the list.  Every woman does it.  A little cleavage is okay, but when it starts looking like butt crack….that is not okay.  Especially when you are at church or a school function with your kids.  Just what I want….30-10 year olds looking down my shirt.

 

4.  TROUSER  EXPANDER

One. Word.  THANKSGIVING. PREGNANCY.  CHRISTMAS.  SEPT. 29th.

 

5.  MOUTH CLOSURE 

Not really….sometimes….I wish!  Okay….yes, some people need this option.

 

6.  BABY SQUILLERS a.k.a. CLOTH DIAPERS

I tried my oldest daughter in cloth diapers for about two days.  Two days too long.  My Mom was a pro.  Me, not so much.  If I didn’t poke her with the pin, I was awesome.  Nevermind that the diaper was wrapped around her head.  Details. Details.

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