Good Morning, Peeps. Today we are going to play a new game. I’m going to tell two stories. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. You tell me, if the stories are true or false. Ready? Here we go.
1. Camping In The High Uintahs
It was March in Utah. We thought the snow was long gone. It was a long weekend, and some of my brothers, nephews, and my Dad decided we would go camping. It had been a long time since we had some quality male bonding. We loaded up the pickup with our camping gear. We had tents, blankets, food, and the bare necessities needed to get through the weekend. Everything we were packing, had to fit on our backs. We were going to backpack in, and backpack out. It was about a five mile hike to some remote fishing spots, my Dad swore had the biggest fish in them. The journey begins.
The hike itself was very uneventful. Just some good old fishing stories, some wife nagging stories, some “what’s for dinner” stories, and the Bigfoot stories for the youngsters. As we got to camp, we set up our tents, made a good fire, rummaged through our stuff to figure out what we were going to eat. We pulled out some MRE’s and canned peaches. Warmed what need to be warmed…over the fire. As night fell, it started to get cold…quick! The young boys were having a good time, and they didn’t have a care between the few of them. I looked up into the sky, and could tell the clouds were moving in. Do we start the hike back down, to tough it out…like manly men? After a brief talk with the other adults, we decided to stay. About three hours after falling asleep, I woke up. I was shivering uncontrollably. Not just the chills, violent shivers. I had no control over my body. What do we do? I knew there was no way I could make the five miles back to the truck. My older brother thought he could carry me out. My Dad knew better. There was no way they whole gang of them could carry me. You see, my Mother once told the IRS, she couldn’t pay her taxes because her son has two hollow legs. That was me. My Dad told me to get in his sleeping bag with him. That the body heat would warm him up the fastest. After which seemed like an eternity, I stopped shivering, and feel asleep. When we woke up, this is what it looked like.
I have no idea what caused the events prior. To this day, I still don’t know what happened. I do know someone, bigger than I had a hand in getting us all through the night safe. I did see my life flash in front of me. I am here to tell you the story, so all is well! It’s a moment I will never forget.
2. My 23rd Birthday!
I remember like it was yesterday. 23. A year like no other! To this date, it was hands down an epic year. With it starting the way it did, it could only get better. A few of my girlfriends, and myself decided it would be very important to celebrate at the bar. Not something we did every year, because the closest bar was about 45 minutes away. Being young and dumb, we didn’t believe in DD’s. I don’t know how…or why things went the way they did…but here it goes. To the best of my memory. It was a warm summer night. We had just spent a couple hours at the lake, and we were getting ready to hit the bars.
We were all 99% parched, in desperate need of something cold, wet, and something that would enhance our already sparkling personalities. A regular “go to” drink was Jager and RedBull. The rumor on the street was if you drank RedBull with your alcohol you wouldn’t get a hangover. IDK…at 23, everything seems legit.
We had a couple of these, and someone in our group thought that we could each do 23 shots. In lieu of my 23rd birthday. Also, whoever made it to the 23rd shot first, wouldn’t have to pay for their drinks. We would all contribute $5 to the pot, every time we ordered a drink. That would be over $500 bucks! Woot! Woot! The night was progressing along nicely. There was dancing, food, drinks, everything needed to have a party.
I remember getting to shot #12. I was dying. There is no way in hell I could take another drink, or even think about drinking. Ok, I’m tapping out. I’m done. Finished. Besides, the bar was closing shortly. But wait…..there’s another bar just down the road who stays open much later. In addition, they have a huge bon-fire the first weekend of the month. BAM! We are going.
By this time, we were all buzzed. We forgot the Bartender had out “POT” of $5 bills. We didn’t care. We were redneck dancing, getting in fights, and we did NOT care. WE ruled that place. We were queens! We were DRUNK. About 4 am, we needed to get home. Some of us had to work the next morning. How were we going to get home? Who was going to drive? I didn’t even have my drivers license…I had misplaced it earlier in the evening. We came up with a brilliant idea. We would each drive 8 minutes. There would be a Capt. and Co-Capt. at all times. Four drunk eyes are better than two…right? RIGHT! And we’re off! Timer set. Check. Two awake, warm girls in the front. Check. Gum. Check. (Because if we did get pulled over, they wouldn’t smell the booze over the gum.) I wasn’t the first to drive. We were just going to rotate like a volleyball game. I was second to last. I closed my eyes, and two seconds later…it was my turn to drive. To my surprise, we were making it home. I get behind the drivers seat, buckle up, set the timer, and hit the road. Honestly, I don’t remember anything….until I hit the guard rail.
I wasn’t concerned that I had hit the guard rail. I was more concerned it making that most awful noise I have ever heard stop. What the hell? Where was my co-capt? I look over, and she is passed out. Everyone is actually. At this point, I can practically see the house. Brush it off, and keep going…..and that’s just what happened. About 10 minutes later, we pull up to the house. Everyone is alive, everyone is breathing, everyone is calling sick into work.
Needless to say, we didn’t drink for a V E R Y long time after that. After that, we had DD’s. I thank my guardian angel for the overtime she put in that night. Word to the wise…..DO NOT try this at home.
What’s your verdict? Comment below….true or false. Good Luck! 🙂
